MISERY CHICK
by Ace Trax
Summary: This story is a DariaMisery crossover. Glenn Eichler gets forced to write a new season 4. Betareaders apprechiated.
1. part 1

INTRODUCTION:   
This story is a "Daria"/"Misery" crossover.   
Glenn Eichler (the creator of the cartoon: Daria) suffers a car-crash and is rescued by Mary Susan, a huge Daria-fan, who turns psychopathic and forces him to write a new season 4. 

AUTHOR'S NOTES:   
Rated PG-13 for graphic violence, torture, language, profanity, alcohol, smoking and black humour...   
Very black humour.   


MISERY CHICK   
---------------------- 

  


EXT. A COTTAGE IN THE MOUNTAINS - DAY   
_A little house and a small car stand alone in the majestic scenery of the American "Alps"._

INT. A COTTAGE IN THE MOUNTAINS - DAY   
_Glenn Eichler is typing the word "END" in a laptop. He looks at it and gives a content smile. Then he opens a bottle of Dom Periogne and fills it in a glass. Beside the glass are an expensive cigar and a match._

EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD – EVENING - HEAVY RAIN   
_The small car, which was standing at the little house, is now driving on a very curvy mountain road._

INT. SMALL CAR – EVENING - HEAVY RAIN   
_Thick rain blocks the view of Glenn Eichler. Then, out of nowhere, he sees a deer standing in front of the car._   
_He breaks harshly, comes off the road and the last what he sees are tree-branches._

EXT. SMALL CAR – EVENING - HEAVY RAIN   
_The car lies on its roof and is heavily damaged._   
_A figure approaches the car. It takes an axe and breaks up the door._   
_The figure carries the body of Glenn Eichler from the vehicle._   


INT. BEDROOM - MORNING   
_Glenn Eichler lies in bed. He sees the figure, who saved his life, in front of him._

FIGURE:   
I am a huge Daria fan. There is nothing to worry about. You are going to be just fine. I am a huge Daria fan. 

_It is a woman. Dressed like Daria, but with a smile unlike Daria._

GLENN EICHLER:   
Who are you? 

WOMEN:   
My name is Mary Susan and you are: Mr. Glenn Eichler the creator of Daria. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
Huh? 

MARY SUSAN:   
Well how are you feeling? 

GLENN EICHLER: _(in agony)_   
What the f… OUCH! Ahhh! 

MARY SUSAN:   
No don't move your legs. You have broken them both. 

_She removes the bed sheet. Glenn takes a look at his legs. They both are bandaged to metal rails and have got an unappetising colour._

GLENN EICHLER:   
_(to his legs) _Eww.   
_(to Mary Susan) _Where am I? 

MARY SUSAN:   
In sanctuary. You had a terrible car accident. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
Oh yes. A deer was on the road.   
_(he smiles in pain)_   
I should have run over that damn thing. 

MARY SUSAN:   
Gonna work your way up to humans slowly? 

GLENN EICHLER:   
Excuse me? 

MARY SUSAN:   
You must know: Daria says:   
_(bad imitation of Daria) _"I almost killed a dog yesterday."   
And then Jane says:   
_(worst imitation of Jane) _"Gonna work your way up to humans slowly?"   
You have written it in "Through A Lens Darkly" Episode 1 of the third season.   
_(she starts to giggle) _Oh, Mr. Eichler you are such a genius. 

GLENN EICHLER: _(wary)_   
Yes… 

MARY SUSAN:   
You know I am such a big, no huge Daria Fan. 

GLENN EICHLER: _(he notice her Daria-nesk out fit)_   
Yes, I see. 

MARY SUSAN: _(proud)_   
Look, I wear nearly the same glasses like her and I even got Doc Martens. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
Doc… what? 

MARY SUSAN:   
Doc Martens. The boots Daria wear. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
Since when Daria wears Doc Martens? 

MARY SUSAN:   
Since the 17th of July 1997. My Daria-newsgroup agreed on it. And since then it became almost canon for all Daria-fans in the world. 

GLENN EICHLER: _(tired)_   
I must talk with my associate. 

MARY SUSAN:   
Oh no, you have a bit of rest now. 

GLENN EICHLER: _(feeling very exhausted, nearly fainting)_   
Yes… okay. 

MARY SUSAN:   
But there is one thing. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
What? 

_She shows him a laptop, his laptop._

MARY SUSAN:   
I found your laptop in the car, and I just wondered, I mean you always go to your mountain cottage to work in peace on your Daria scripts... so I mean can I… if you allow me… 

GLENN EICHLER: _(generous)_   
Feast your eyes on the scripts and concepts I made for season 4 and the TV-movie. 

MARY SUSAN:   
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. I am so happy. 

_She leaps in joy and runs with the laptop out the room._

GLENN EICHLER:   
In about 2 minutes she will return to ask me the password. 

_He smirks a bit and then falls asleep._   


HOURS LATER 

INT. BEDROOM - EVENING   
_Glenn Eichler is sleeping. He gets rudely awaked when the door bangs open._   
_Mary Susan is standing in the doorway with Glenn's laptop. She is looking very, very furious._

MARY SUSAN: _(shouting)_   
YOU! YOU DIRTY BIRDY, HOW COULD YOU! 

GLENN EICHLER:   
What? 

MARY SUSAN:   
She can't date Tom! DARIA MORGENDORFFER CANNOT CHEAT HER BEST FRIEND JANE! 

GLENN EICHLER:   
Mary, it was only a kiss. And Daria and Jane make up again in the end. And Tom becomes Daria's first boyfriend. 

MARY SUSAN:   
I DON'T WANT HIM TO BE HER FIRST BOY FRIEND!   
I WANT HER SPIRIT, AND YOU F**K UP DARIA! 

GLENN EICHLER:   
No I didn't. 

MARY SUSAN:   
WHO DID?! 

GLENN EICHLER: _(calm)_   
The producers thought it would be a nice idea. 

MARY SUSAN:   
Nice idea???!!!   
NO, YOU HAVE F**K UP MY DARIA!!!!!!!! 

GLENN EICHLER: _(provoked)_   
Now look, I can't remember, that the Daria copyrights have been submitted to Mary Susan. 

MARY SUSAN:   
Right! You ask for it. 

_She puts his laptop on a little table._

GLENN EICHLER:   
What are you doing? 

MARY SUSAN:   
I am only doing you and all Daria fans on the world a favour. 

_She starts up the computer._

GLENN EICHLER:   
No don't! 

_She opens with the laptop-mouse the script files of Glenn Eichler._

GLENN EICHLER:   
No! That is the best material I have ever written. 

MARY SUSAN: _(sarcastic)_   
Well, then you should come up with something even better than that. 

_Mary Susan presses the delete-button and all of Glenn Eichler's hard work of the last weeks vanishes in a split of a second._

GLENN EICHLER: _(terrified)_   
What have you done? 

MARY SUSAN:   
I had a vision, which told me your purpose for being here. It is my destiny to help you with Daria. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
What? Do you think I simply just can pour out an entire 13-episode-season plus a TV-movie? 

MARY SUSAN: _(determined)_   
Oh but I don't think Mr. Glenn Eichler… I *know*. 

_She puts his laptop on a bed-table (a kind of tray, on which you can place dishes) in front of him._

MARY SUSAN: _(manic)_   
Okay. Now you better start with a new season 4 concept of before lunchtime… OR there will *be* no lunchtime for you, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME! 

GLENN EICHLER: _(scared and quite)_   
Yes, Ma'am. 

MARY SUSAN: _(kind)_   
Hey! "Before lunchtime, or there will be no lunchtime for you." That sounds very funny. I think you should use this in Daria. 

GLENN EICHLER: _(scared and quite)_   
Yes, Ma'am.   
  
MARY SUSAN: _(serious)_   
Oh, and Mr. Eichler, I have forgotten to add.   
Don't hope somebody will rescue you, since I have told no one that you are here. 

She walks out the rooms and slams the door behind her. 

GLENN EICHLER: _(quiet and terrified)_   
Eep! 


	2. part 2

BEGIN MONTAGE SEQUENCE – MUSIC: "TCHAIKOVSKY PIANO CONCERTO #1"   
_Various scenes of a typewriting Glenn Eichler are shown._   
_Days are passing._

END MONTAGE SEQUENCE   


INT. BEDROOM - DAY   
_Mary Susan is feeding Glenn Eichler with a soup._

GLENN EICHLER: _(sarcastic)_   
_And is the Lady of the house pleased with the last episode?_

MARY SUSAN:   
Oh, yes it was so funny, so amusing, so wonderful Daria-like. Oh and I simply love the new character you have introduced, but… there is one thing which bothers me. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
And that is? 

MARY SUSAN:   
It's the swearing, Glenn. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
The swearing? 

MARY SUSAN:   
Yes, they don't swear enough like real high school kids. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
These are high school kids. And I was a high school kid. And kids don't curse all day long around like scurvy seamen. 

MARY SUSAN: _(loud)_   
BUT THEY DO!   
Quinn should say:   
Oh, f**k that b*t*h Sandi and all that fashion b**ls**t of hers.   
Jane should say:   
This c**p assignment of that b**t**d f*gg*t, c**k-s**k*r O'Neill is getting on my b*l*s.   
And Daria should say:   
F**k**g J*s*s C***t, H**y Mother of ***, why can't I tell Trent how much I f**k**g love him! 

_She pours a bit soup over Glenn Eichlers's napkin._

MARY SUSAN: _(very loud)_   
THERE, LOOK THERE! NOW SEE WHAT YOU COCKADOODIE MADE ME DO! 

_She puts the soup on the table and walks out with the dirty napkin._

GLENN EICHLER: _(behind her)_   
Don't blame me, blame PG-13.   


BEGIN MONTAGE SEQUENCE – MUSIC: "TCHAIKOVSKY PIANO CONCERTO #1"   
_Various scenes of a typewriting Glenn Eichler are shown._   
_Days are passing._

END MONTAGE SEQUENCE   


INT. BEDROOM – DAY   
Glenn Eichler is staring at his legs beneath the bed sheet. Mary Susan walks in with printed copy of Glenn Eichlers's latest Daria script. 

MARY SUSAN: _(joyful)_   
DARIA AND TRENT HAVE KISSED, DARIA AND TRENT HAVE KISSED!   
Oh, this whole house is going to be full of romance.   
OOOH, I AM GOING TO PUT ON MY "GARBAGE" CD'S! 

GLENN EICHLER: _(sinister)_   
Mary? 

MARY SUSAN:   
Yes Glenn? 

GLENN EICHLER:   
There is something I wanted to talk with you. 

MARY SUSAN:   
Yes Glenn, what is on your mind? 

GLENN EICHLER: _(calm)_   
Mary… Why did you came last night into my room, inject me an anaesthetic and then broke both my legs with a sledgehammer? 

MARY SUSAN: _(playing innocent)_   
Oh come on. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
First I thought it was a nightmare. 

MARY SUSAN:   
It must be! You just have dreamt it. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
I didn't. 

He removes his bed sheet. And show her 2 very swollen legs in a colour only spinach has. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
How do you explain this? 

MARY SUSAN: _(defensive)_   
It is a… a… rash. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
A rash? 

MARY SUSAN:   
You know: Like the one Daria had in episode nine, season two: "Ill". 

GLENN EICHLER:   
Daria's so called *rash* was caused by anxiety.   
This so-called *rash* here was caused by you breaking my limbs with a 5-pound hammer! 

MARY SUSAN:   
Okay, I admit it…   
_(lying)_ I wanted to hang up a picture while you were sleeping and my hammer just slipped off. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
What for a picture you wanted to hang up with a 5-pound sledgehammer?   
A portrait of Joseph Stalin?   
Look, I am not a fool… okay, I work for MTV, but I am not a fool.   
You have deliberately crushed my legs to keep me easier captive in your house.   
_(angry)_   
How could you do this?   
I wasn't even trying to ESCAPE!!! 

MARY SUSAN: _(ashamed)_   
Yes… I admit it.   
_(softly)_   
Are you mad at me? 

GLENN EICHLER:   
You must be sarcastic, because when you are not, then I want to be dead. 

MARY SUSAN: _(playing stupid)_   
Dead?… Ah yes, now YOU are sarcastic. You are so a witty person. I am going to prepare dinner now. I am making something special. 

She walks out.   
Glenn Eichler looks at his legs again. 

GLENN EICHLER: _(hopeless)_   
I hope it is not spinach.   
  


BEGIN MONTAGE SEQUENCE – MUSIC: "TCHAIKOVSKY PIANO CONCERTO #1"   
_Various scenes of a typewriting Glenn Eichler are shown._   
_Days are passing._

END MONTAGE SEQUENCE   


INT. BEDROOM – DAY   
Glenn Eichler is alone in the room staring at the window.   
The door opens and a police officer with a gun stands in the doorway staring at him. 

GLENN EICHLER: _(shouts)_   
BEHIND YOU! 

The police officer turns around and sees Mary Susan… who is carrying an axe, which she immediately uses to put his life out. 

MARY SUSAN: _(looking down at the corps lying in blood)_   
Oh dear. All this oogy mess. 

GLENN EICHLER: _(anguish)_   
Oh no. Oh no. Not again… my gawd, Mary! THAT WAS THE FIFTH IN TWO WEEKS!!! 

MARY SUSAN:   
Hey! Is it my fault when lonely police officers think they can find you here? 

GLENN EICHLER: _(nearing hysteria)_   
Mary, you have murdered 5 people. Please stop this madness. Turn yourself in! I beg you.   
You can't keep on killing people. One day the whole FBI is going to be set on my disappearance and that of all those police officers who were only doing their duty. 

MARY SUSAN: _(calm)_   
Glenn, all this will come soon to an end. Soon you are finish with the TV-Movie. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
And? 

MARY SUSAN: _(calm and psychotic)_   
When the time has come. I put two bullets into my gun.   
One for me and one for you.   
And when they will find our dead bodies and the wonderful scripts we have left behind, they will know that be both died for Daria's happiness.   
Oh darling, it will be so beautiful. 

Mary Susan drags the dead police officer away. 

Glenn Eichler looks at the ceiling as if he were praying to the Almighty.   
  
GLENN EICHLER: _(very sarcastic)_   
*Thank you* Mike Judge for letting me create a female character for Beavis and Butthead. 


	3. part 3

BEGIN MONTAGE SEQUENCE – MUSIC: "TCHAIKOVSKY PIANO CONCERTO #1"   
_Various scenes of a typewriting Glenn Eichler are shown._   
_Days are passing._

END MONTAGE SEQUENCE   


INT. BEDROOM – DAY   
_Mary Susan stands behind Glenn Eichler who is sitting in a wheelchair._   
_On a small table in front of them are his laptop and a printer, which is letting out sheets._   
_A thrilled Mary Susan is staring at the sheets, which contains the last 15 minutes of the Daria TV-Movie._

MARY SUSAN:   
Oh, I am so excited! Daria has to decide between Trent and Marty. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
And you are not mad at me, that Daria suffered blindness after the car-crash? 

MARY SUSAN:   
Of course not. Because I know that the love of Trent and the friendship of Jane will heal her in the end. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
Because when they don't. You will break again my legs. 

MARY SUSAN:   
No… You have outdone yourself this time. 

GLENN EICHLER: _(sarcastic)_   
Yes, I even hardly can believe myself, that I have written this. 

MARY SUSAN:   
Glenn. Admit it: You want Daria to life happily forever. 

GLENN EICHLER: _(even more sarcastic)_   
*Sure* after all she has done for me.   
_(normal tone)_   
You know what I do after every Daria season? 

MARY SUSAN:   
Of course, which self-respecting Daria fan wouldn't know? You enjoy a bottle of Dom Periogne and a cigar. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
Yes Mary, but why is there only 1 glass, not 2. 

MARY SUSAN:   
I thought you want to enjoy them alone, while I read the last chapter. 

GLENN EICHLER:_ (flattering)_   
Oh, no. Since the *new* Daria was basically your idea. Without you all this wouldn't be possible. 

MARY SUSAN:   
Oh, Glenn. I can't believe that you allow such an honour. 

GLENN EICHLER: _(quite)_   
Nor than I.   
_(loud, with an evil smirk)_   
Yes, go and fetch a second glass. 

_As soon she is gone._   
_He takes the paper from the printer and lays it on the floor beneath him.___

_Then he takes a match, which was meant for the cigar. And holds it over the pile of Daria scripts._   
_He turns his laptop towards the door and awaits Mary Susan to come back.___

_Mary Susan enters and is surprised of the whole setting._

MARY SUSAN:   
Glenn? 

GLENN EICHLER: _(presses the delete button in front of her eyes)_   
Oops, Mary!   
I just deleted my entire work, what a shame. 

MARY SUSAN: _(shocked)_   
You are joking right? 

GLENN EICHLER:_ (very serious)_   
No. 

MARY SUSAN:   
How can you just do that? All that good work... vanished! 

GLENN EICHLER: _(staring her in the eyes)_   
I have learnt from the best. 

She let the glass fall on the floor. And stares at him in disbelieve. 

GLENN EICHLER: _(teasing her)_   
Will Daria regain her eyesight?   
Will she choose Trent?   
Will she avenge the rape of Quinn?   
And will aunty Amy wakes up from her coma to tell Daria who her real parents were?   
All this and more…   
_(dead serious)_   
You will never know. 

_He sets fire to the match and let it go. It falls on the Daria-scripts, making a nice cosy indoor fire._

MARY SUSAN:   
NO, NO, NO!!!!! 

_She gets on her knees and tries to put out the flames._   
_While Mary Susan bow in front of him, Glenn Eichler takes his laptop and smashes it with all his strength on her head.___

_She gulps and falls on her face.___

_Glenn Eichler takes out a knife he has hidden before. And awaits her to get up so he could stab her… but she doesn't move.___

_He looks at the lifeless body lying on the floor. While holding the knife with his right hand, he feels with his left hand Mary Susan's pulse.___

_She was dead.___

_He notice how pieces of the laptop's hardware were sticking in Mary Susan's skull._

GLENN EICHLER: _(relieved)_   
Thank God I stick with i-Mac.   


FADE IN 

CAPTIONS: SOME YEARS OF PHYSIOTHERAPY LATER 

FADE OUT   


EXT. A CAFÉ – IN A LUXURIOUS MALL OF A LARGE AMERICAN CITY – DAY   
_People are crowding around._   
_They are happily window-shopping and not aware of the daily horrors around them._   


INT. A CAFÉ – DAY   
_The former director of the cartoon Daria, Karen Disher, is sitting at a table._   
_A man, walking with 2 crutches, approaches her._   
_The man is Glenn Eichler._

KAREN DISHER:   
Glenn! 

GLENN EICHLER:   
Karen! 

_She stands up and hugs him. Then both sit down at a table._

KAREN DISHER:   
So nice to see you. How are you? 

GLENN EICHLER:   
Wonderful, I just was at the doctors and they said, that in a couple of months I would be able to walk without crutches. 

KAREN DISHER:   
That is great. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
And they also gave me my weekly morpheme- injection. So don't hesitate to tell me the worst news of the world. 

KAREN DISHER:   
Glenn, I see that you have not lost your sense humour.   
First I want to congratulate you to your first novel: "In the hands of a Cartoon-Lunatic". I have read it and it is superb! Even though it is a Best Seller. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
You know what is the greatest thing of being a Best Seller Author?   
To sell film rights for millions and millions of dollars.   
They want to make a movie with Alec Baldwin as me, and Alicia Silverstone as Mary Susan.   
The director is Roland Emmerich and Chris Carter will write the screen adaptation. 

KAREN DISHER:   
You are surely surfing on the wave of success.   
Oh by the way. Some TV-producers have contacted me. 

GLENN EICHLER:   
And? 

KAREN DISHER:   
Well they are very keen… well to revive Daria again. 

GLENN EICHLER: _(sinister)_   
You mean: A sixth season? 

KAREN DISHER:   
No, they plan a life action TV series of Daria. And they want you as the chef- creative- consultant. 

GLENN EICHLER: _(sad)_   
Look Karen… please, Daria was only a chapter in my life.   
You know… there are chapters you like to read over and over, and there are other chapters you don't want to touch again. 

KAREN DISHER: _(apprehensive)_   
Oh… I understand. 

_Rudely a guy with a strong German accent interrupts them._

GUY:   
Hi I am Ace!   
Excuse me but you must be Glenn Eichler and you must be… Karen Disher. 

GLENN EICHLER: _(annoyed)_   
Yes? 

ACE:   
Well I am a big… no huge Daria Fan. Can I ask for autographs of you both? I mean you are both geniuses. 

KAREN DISHER: _(honoured)_   
Okay. 

GLENN EICHLER: _(bitterly)_   
If you insist. 

_Both write their autographs in Ace's book, he brought with._

ACE: _(exited)_   
Boy, I can't wait to tell this to the guys at my Daria newsgroup. 

_Glenn hands the book back to Ace._

GLENN EICHLER:   
Here you are. And do you mind to excuse us please? We are in an important meeting. 

ACE: _(obedient)_   
Of course, of course… 

_Ace retreats, but then he comes back again._

ACE:   
Wait! There is something I have to tell you about!   
Do you know that I and a lot of other Daria fans didn't liked the whole story arc with Tom. 

GLENN EICHLER: _(raised voice)_   
WHAT?!! 

ACE:   
I mean why does Daria just kiss Tom out of the blue? Daria cannot just cheat her best friend Jane so easily like that. The whole thing really sucks. I mean it is like: it has destroyed the whole spirit of Daria. 

_As soon Ace has spoken out the last words. Some fuses get blown in Glenn Eichler's head._   
_He stands up and pulls out a pepper spray from his pocket and applies it ruthlessly on Ace's face._

ACE: _(in pain)_   
Aaahhhhrghhh! Ahhhhh! Ahhhhhhhh! 

GLENN EICHLER: _(shouting)_   
EAT IT TILL YOU CHOKE, YOU SICK, TWISTED F**K! 

ACE: _(in pain)_   
Ahhhhh! Aaahhhhrghhh! Ahhhhhhhh! 

KAREN DISHER: _(surprised)_   
Glenn, what are you doing? 

ACE: _(in pain)_   
Ahhhhh! Ahhhhhhhh! Aaahhhhrghhh! 

GLENN EICHLER: _(cursing)_   
Daria is a cartoon!   
It is only a f**king CARTOON!!!   


END   
----- 

  
  


AUTHOR'S APOLOGIES:   
Apologies to Glenn Eichler and Karen Disher for "using" them as fanfiction-characters without permission.   
Special apologies to Glenn Eichler for having him mutilated in this fanfiction by a fictional Daria fanatic.   
This is not a personal attack on the person Glenn Eichler, I mean no offence.   
I want to stress out that this is a parody, which show us how disturbed certain Daria-fans can be.   
And who ever was lurking around in Daria-newsgroups, will agree to this. 

END NOTES:   
If you have any comments, than e-mail me under ace_trax@yahoo.de   
When you liked my sick sense of humour then visit my website on: www.geocities.com/ace_trax 

DISCLAIMER:   
I don't own the characters Glenn Eichler and Karen Disher, they are real persons, who own themselves.   
The copyright owner of the TV-Series "Daria" is MTV.   
The copyright owner of the movie "Misery" is Columbia Pictures.   
The copyright owner of the book "Misery" is Steven King   
I have no connection with the copyright owners and I don't have the legal rights to use their material. This fanfiction story was done without authorization, permission or approval by their respective copyright owners. 

AUTHOR'S COPYRIGHT:   
Please note that this fanfiction is a derivative work, so it is protected by copyright law as long as the words and syntax are novel. That means:   
Me, as the author of this work do not own the pre-existing copyrighted stuff, but I do own the whole rest. Those are all the novel words and syntax, which make the story.   
This story is not for profit, it is a work of pure fandom, without any financial interests.   
Any financial or other uses of this document without the specific permission of the authors (me and the other copyright owners) are forbidden.   
Text Copyright © 2003, Ace Trax. All rights reserved. 

THANKS AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:   
Thanks to the director Rob Reiner and the actors James Caan and Kathy Bates for one of the best Steven King screen-adaptation of all time.   
And thanks to the creative minds of MTV, who gave the world the best TV-series of all time: "The Osbournes". 


End file.
